In Which I Wade Into the Murky Waters of Gay Marriage

I don't believe I have ever shared my views on gay marriage, mainly because they seem to be ever in flux.  A federal appeals has now ruled that California's Proposition 8 which banned gay marriage in that state through a referendum is unconstitutional.  

Here are my thoughts as they stand at this moment (subject to change, but I think I'm on to something):

I personally believe that marriage is a religious sacrament to be entered into by a man and a woman and performed by a minister/rabbi/priest/etc.  However, the government is also involved as there is paperwork to be filled out, names to be changed (if applicable), tax-filing status, etc.  I think the solution is to take government out of the "marriage" business entirely and turn all marital unions as far as government recognition goes into civil unions and afford gay people those same rights.  

I do not care if the government recognizes my marriage as such.  The only person I need to recognize my marriage as a "marriage" is my husband.  And the only entity that I need to recognize it as such is God.  I can sympathize with homosexual couples who wish to enter into some sort of official union, publicly proclaim their vows to each other and be accorded the same rights as their fellow heterosexual married citizens.  They should absolutely have those rights.  This country was founded on the principle that citizens can enter into contracts of their choosing and marriage as far as the government goes is a contract.  

However, I also sympathize with my fellow citizens who oppose gay marriage for certain reasons.  The argument has been made that if gay marriage is legally sanctioned, then churches and private companies who operate in the wedding industry can and will be sued for discrimination for declining to perform their services for gay couples if it goes against their beliefs.  We live in a litigious society and those concerns are real.  It's a specific concern and it surely seems trivial to those who feel that their civil rights are being denied by being unable to be "married" in the eyes of their government.  Beyond the legal and contractual rights that come with being officially recognized as a marital union, I don't understand the sense that I get that people want the government (and everyone else) to validate their relationships.  I'm not sure I'm being clear on this -- basically, if you're in a loving and committed relationship that you define as a marriage and you are afforded the same legal status (in the form of a civil union), what do you care if your government or your neighbor calls it a marriage or a civil union or a banana or a decision you'll come to regret in ten years?  In the same vein, for people who oppose gay marriage -- what do you care if a couple says they're married even if you don't consider it a marriage and what's the big deal if the government puts it on equal footing with your own marriage if your church/synagogue/whatever reserves the right the maintain the traditional definition of marriage?

I'll do the obligatory "I have gay friends" caveat.  Because I do.  And some of them are in loving and committed relationships and I think that some of those couples characterize their relationships as marriages.  This does not trouble or offend me even though my faith precludes me from defining it as such.  Just as I hope that my private (except for this blog post, of course) belief that their relationship is not a marriage in the same sense that mine is does not trouble or offend them (and if it does, then I'm sorry and you shouldn't care what I think anyway).  

So, here's to civil unions for everyone.  Me and mine included.